STFU Etiquette Blogs

Fuck you.

Anonymous asked: my dad refuses to say fuck around me he has to say frick and it annoys so much he does it all the time and ive told him i dont like it and its sexist but he still does it and hes says its not sexist because "women are more gentle creatures and i was raised in the south and thats what a gentlemen does blah blah blah" anyway he just wont listen to me and wont stop even though he knows it offends me. should i just drop it? because no matter what i say he wont listen

If you’ve explained that his reasoning is sexist and he won’t listen, then there is almost nothing that you can do to really stop it. If you won’t get any flack for it and are comfortable with it, you can try cussing around him and show that you’re not afraid of using those words yourself. Sometimes there is very little we can do to stop the unpleasant behavior and views that our families can have. :/

-Pryxis

Anonymous asked: can you please decipher this sentence for me? - The chief evil Western sexism and beauty standards have wrought is that women are often excruciatingly annoying.-OK i'm not sure if he's saying women are annoying or if he's saying they aren't but sexism portrays them as annoying? It was said by someone i know and i'm not sure if I should say something back because im not even sure what he's trying to say?? sorry im kinda new to feminism and not sure if i should be upset by this or not.

He’s totally saying that women are annoying, but it’s because they whine about not having equal rights and because some of them try to live up to Western beauty standards. Translated into something less pretentious sounding : Western sexism and beauty standards are bad because they make women annoying.

Not because they genuinely hurt women and create a culture where women are seen as a inferior to men, and every decision they make has its own slew of criticism from different people. Not to mention calling women annoying because they decide to actively fight against a patriarchal society that harms them and every other women they know is so mind bogglingly dismissive.

He’s being an asshole and trying to hide around language that makes him seem smart. I hope a bird craps on his face.

-Pryxis

Anonymous asked: My mom calls women sluts and whores a lot and says stuff to me like "your virginity is your jewel" and I just can't stand it I cringe when she says slut-shamey stuff and I was wondering if you could please give some advice on a way to tell her she's being sexist and explain how she's being sexist without having to talk about sex too much because it's uncomfortable talking about sex with her.

I think for the majority of us, talking to your parents about sex will always be a bit uncomfortable. You could always try to point out that when she starts on that topic that women are more than just vessels for sex. Do it calmly and firmly, explain to her when people start talking this way they are reducing women into walking talking sex toys that can reproduce. It’s unfair to reduce a person to that, and that she should think about women more complexly. There is more to a person than their sex lives and at any rate it is immensely rude to be talking about the sex lives of strangers. 

But if it a causes a rift, or even strains your relationship, I would just avoid the topic. Just say that you’re uncomfortable when she does it and ask her to respect your viewpoint on it. Even if she doesn’t she’ll know what your feelings on the topic will be and you might feel better for communicating that.

(Btw, if anyone wants to weigh in, feel free!)

-Pryxis

Two other women, also breast cancer survivors, said their husbands left them after they were diagnosed. Both had to have mastectomies (in case anyone doesn’t know, this is the surgical operation to remove one or both breasts).

The first woman said her husband told her that he would rather see her dead than see her lose her breasts. The second woman had her operation and waited all day to be picked up by her husband, who never arrived. By nightfall, one of the nurses offered to give her a ride, and she came home to find the house empty.

Obviously, these are extreme cases of a man’s reaction to his wife’s breast cancer, but this is what I see when I see the “I ♥ Boobies” bracelets. I see love of the body parts, not the person being treated—not the patient, not the victim, not the survivor.


In Defense of Sansa Stark
Sansa Stark must be one of the most hated characters in A Song of Ice and Fire. The vitriol levelled against her is often frightening in its intensity, surpassing that for actually horrific characters like Joffrey and Ramsey Bolton. Her crime? The unforgivable fact that she is a pre-teen girl.
As a massive fan of Sansa, even I must admit that she is difficult to like at first. She’s spoilt and a bit bratty. She fights with her fan-favorite sister and trusts characters who the reader knows are completely untrustworthy. She is hopelessly naive and lost in dreams of pretty princes and dashing knights. She acts, for all intents and purposes, like the eleven year old girl that she is. Most of us were pretty darn unbearable to older people at that age (and that’s fine, because they were also pretty unbearable to us). Robb and Jon, although older than Sansa, are similarly misguided and bratty, with Jon’s constant “poor me, I deserve so much more” attitude at the Wall, and Robb’s clumsy attempts at being the Lord of Winterfell. But these mistakes are only reprehensible to readers when they come from a girl, interested in girly things and making girly mistakes. Because viewers have been taught that “girly“ is automatically bad.
I love bad-ass, sword-wielding heroines as much as the next person (Arya and Brienne are two of my other favorite characters in anything ever), but the focus on this sort of female character — the oft-cited “strong female character” — seems to suggest that femininity is still bad, and that women can only be strong by adopting stereotypically male roles and attitudes. There’s nothing wrong with Arya declaring that being a Lady does not suit her and forging her own path, but saying that all female characters must take this attitude is as sexist and dismissive as saying that all female characters must be weak and take a backseat in events. Femininity is not bad, just as masculinity is not necessarily good.
Sansa plays an important role in the narrative, because she shows how societal expectations of women completely screw them over. She believes in everything that her parents and her septa have taught her. She believes in stories, and she believes that the greatest thing she can do is marry the prince (who will, of course, be chivalrous and honorable and handsome and kind) and have his children. She has spent her life in the cold castle of the North, dreaming of stories of tournaments and beauty in the south. Because people want her to be that way. That is how they think the ideal young woman should be. And it almost destroys her. Worse, it brings the reader’s hatred down on her, because even though women are told they are only “good” if they fit into this role, the role itself is seen as weak, manipulative, stupid and generally inferior. It is the Catch 22 of being a woman, both in Westeros and in our own world: no matter what you do, you are criticized, especially if you don’t act like Arya Stark and fight to become “one of the boys.” And so some “fans” of the series declare that they wish Sansa would get raped, a woman’s punishment for daring to act how she has been taught. For daring to act feminine, and making mistakes while doing so.
And all this hatred misses the fact that Sansa is one of the strongest individuals in the entire series. In a world where people drop like flies, in an abusive situation that would break so many people, Sansa survives. Sansa endures. She stays strong, and she never gives up.  As Brienne says to Catelyn, she has a “woman’s courage.” She learns how to play the game. She wears her courtesy for her armor, and she listens, and she adapts, and she keeps her cards close to her chest. She learns how to smile and curtsey and use her words to keep going long after other, older, more experienced players, including her father, are destroyed. But she will not kneel. She will not weaken. She remains strong, and she remains determined, because the North remembers, and her day will come. Her “woman’s courage” keeps her alive and in the game where characters like Arya would not last five minutes.
Most impressive of all, Sansa maintains one key part of her personality that others might dismiss as “weak” or “feminine”: her kindness. She manages to be brave and gentle and caring, despite the trauma she goes through. She shows love and affection to little Robert and to Tommen. She puts herself at risk to save Ser Dontos, using her words and her courtesy to trick Joffrey into doing as she desires. She cares for and calms the people of King’s Landing during the Battle of the Blackwater, despite the fact that she is so young and so inexperienced and few of them have ever done anything to help her. She knows that if she were Queen, she would make the people love her, because she cares about other people, even when her own life is torn apart.
Traditional femininity is not innately inferior. It has its own kind of strength and its own kind of power, and Sansa Stark demonstrates that better than any other character I’ve encountered. She is not fierce or rebellious. She is not ruthless or brutal. But she is strong. She is a survivor. And that should not be dismissed.

In Defense of Sansa Stark

Sansa Stark must be one of the most hated characters in A Song of Ice and Fire. The vitriol levelled against her is often frightening in its intensity, surpassing that for actually horrific characters like Joffrey and Ramsey Bolton. Her crime? The unforgivable fact that she is a pre-teen girl.

As a massive fan of Sansa, even I must admit that she is difficult to like at first. She’s spoilt and a bit bratty. She fights with her fan-favorite sister and trusts characters who the reader knows are completely untrustworthy. She is hopelessly naive and lost in dreams of pretty princes and dashing knights. She acts, for all intents and purposes, like the eleven year old girl that she is. Most of us were pretty darn unbearable to older people at that age (and that’s fine, because they were also pretty unbearable to us). Robb and Jon, although older than Sansa, are similarly misguided and bratty, with Jon’s constant “poor me, I deserve so much more” attitude at the Wall, and Robb’s clumsy attempts at being the Lord of Winterfell. But these mistakes are only reprehensible to readers when they come from a girl, interested in girly things and making girly mistakes. Because viewers have been taught that “girly“ is automatically bad.

I love bad-ass, sword-wielding heroines as much as the next person (Arya and Brienne are two of my other favorite characters in anything ever), but the focus on this sort of female character — the oft-cited “strong female character” — seems to suggest that femininity is still bad, and that women can only be strong by adopting stereotypically male roles and attitudes. There’s nothing wrong with Arya declaring that being a Lady does not suit her and forging her own path, but saying that all female characters must take this attitude is as sexist and dismissive as saying that all female characters must be weak and take a backseat in events. Femininity is not bad, just as masculinity is not necessarily good.

Sansa plays an important role in the narrative, because she shows how societal expectations of women completely screw them over. She believes in everything that her parents and her septa have taught her. She believes in stories, and she believes that the greatest thing she can do is marry the prince (who will, of course, be chivalrous and honorable and handsome and kind) and have his children. She has spent her life in the cold castle of the North, dreaming of stories of tournaments and beauty in the south. Because people want her to be that way. That is how they think the ideal young woman should be. And it almost destroys her. Worse, it brings the reader’s hatred down on her, because even though women are told they are only “good” if they fit into this role, the role itself is seen as weak, manipulative, stupid and generally inferior. It is the Catch 22 of being a woman, both in Westeros and in our own world: no matter what you do, you are criticized, especially if you don’t act like Arya Stark and fight to become “one of the boys.” And so some “fans” of the series declare that they wish Sansa would get raped, a woman’s punishment for daring to act how she has been taught. For daring to act feminine, and making mistakes while doing so.

And all this hatred misses the fact that Sansa is one of the strongest individuals in the entire series. In a world where people drop like flies, in an abusive situation that would break so many people, Sansa survives. Sansa endures. She stays strong, and she never gives up.  As Brienne says to Catelyn, she has a “woman’s courage.” She learns how to play the game. She wears her courtesy for her armor, and she listens, and she adapts, and she keeps her cards close to her chest. She learns how to smile and curtsey and use her words to keep going long after other, older, more experienced players, including her father, are destroyed. But she will not kneel. She will not weaken. She remains strong, and she remains determined, because the North remembers, and her day will come. Her “woman’s courage” keeps her alive and in the game where characters like Arya would not last five minutes.

Most impressive of all, Sansa maintains one key part of her personality that others might dismiss as “weak” or “feminine”: her kindness. She manages to be brave and gentle and caring, despite the trauma she goes through. She shows love and affection to little Robert and to Tommen. She puts herself at risk to save Ser Dontos, using her words and her courtesy to trick Joffrey into doing as she desires. She cares for and calms the people of King’s Landing during the Battle of the Blackwater, despite the fact that she is so young and so inexperienced and few of them have ever done anything to help her. She knows that if she were Queen, she would make the people love her, because she cares about other people, even when her own life is torn apart.

Traditional femininity is not innately inferior. It has its own kind of strength and its own kind of power, and Sansa Stark demonstrates that better than any other character I’ve encountered. She is not fierce or rebellious. She is not ruthless or brutal. But she is strong. She is a survivor. And that should not be dismissed.

(via fandomsandfeminism)

prozdandsiro:

The Bullshit Police in “Friend Zone”

Written by SungWon ProZD Cho

Illustrated by Jackson Siro Wyse

Guess what, fellas, girls are not OBLIGATED to date you, and if what she perceives as a friendship results in you being a whiny piece of garbage because she won’t date you (because how DARE she!!!), then TOO BAD.

Jackson took my “GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH YOLO” shirt from my original script and went all out with a MENAGERIE of terrible clothing.  Good job, Jackson.

(Source: )

willthethird asked: I wonder if it might be possible for you or someone else to create a blog that has just the revised etiquette posts as you revise them (as in, just the whole message instead of the original post and your revisions - sorry I'm doing a terrible job of wording what I mean to say)? I would love to see an etiquette blog on tumblr that's not exclusive/gender-biased/misogynist/generally horrible.

I’ve got quite a full plate nowadays, and probably wouldn’t bother even if I did have the time.

I find most etiquette blogs to be a rather redundant or something I personally disagree with when they’re not spouting off bullshit. (I disagree with the statement that you can never be overdressed, and that you should be gracious when someone insults you.) When I really need to know what something is etiquette wise (for example: the definition of business causal, what to wear at a work party, placement of forks, etc) I just google it. 

If anyone wants to do it go ahead, and I’ll mention it to everyone else that follows this blog.

-Pryxis

For #RoeAt40, all of my favorite pro-choice resources

stfuconservatives:

As my long-time readers know, abortion is an issue I’m very passionate about. So passionate that I have a bookmarks folder simply labeled “Abortion” that has about 75 links in it. For your edification, some of my favorite response to pro-life ignorance:

“Banning abortions would decrease abortions.”

Nope - abortion rates are the same in places where they’re illegal. But women and other pregnant people have to get dangerous illegal abortions, which are often unsanitary and not performed by medical professionals. Or worse, they do it themselves.

“Funding Planned Parenthood funds abortions, even though the Hyde Amendment prohibits it.”

Actually! Federal funds for family planning prevent 800,000 abortions per year.

“Abortions cause breast cancer.”

No. Really, no.

“Most women regret their abortions.”

Also no. Here are some stories of women who don’t regret their abortions.

Yes, some people do regret their abortions. Some people regret not having one too. Some people regret having kids, and some people regret not having kids. Some people regret their hair cuts. “You might regret doing it” is not  a valid reason to make something illegal.

“Abortion causes mental illness.”

The American Psychological Association put together a special task force to investigate if there is a link between getting an abortion and mental illness, and found no evidence to suggest that there is.

“Before Roe v. Wade, there weren’t abortions.”

Ahahaha, no. Read this incredibly Mother Jones story about “The Way It Was” in America before legal abortion. Abortion has always existed and will always exist. The key is keeping it safe and legal and trying to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies through sex ed and accessible family planning.

“Just tough it out with the pregnancy for 9 months and give your child up for adoption.”

First of all, pregnancy is not some “inconvenience” you “tough out.” A year ago, I asked my readers to submit stories from their own pregnancies with the tag #9months (whether they terminated the pregnancy or not). Read their stories here. Pregnancy is expensive, painful, and all-consuming. Every single aspect of your life is affected by it. It’s not like getting a root canal.

Second, giving your child up for adoption is actually a mental health risk, unlike abortion.

Third, there are hundreds of thousands of children in the foster care system right now who are waiting to be adopted. Unless you’re planning on giving up your white, perfectly healthy baby right after you give birth, your child will probably languish in the system for the majority of their lives.

“But I saw this Silent Scream video…”

No.

—-

If you’ve never read “The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion,” please do. It’s very eye-opening about how pro-lifers justify their own abortions (yes, they get them). If you’re someone who is still conflicted about being pro-life or pro-choice, I highly recommend “How I Lost Faith in the Pro-Life Movement” for some eye-opening insight on the reality of the pro-life faction.

So at the end of the day, choice is important because 1) banning abortions doesn’t prevent them from happening, 2) women (and people with uteruses who don’t identify as women) have the right to have sex without giving up their body for nine months thereafter, 3) the only things that prevent abortion are thorough sex education and access to birth control.

If you have any specific questions about abortion, I will be answering them all day today.

(via lipstick-feminists)

mylaundrystinks:

“Female dummy makes her mark on male-dominated crash tests”
From the Washington Post:



Beth Milito and her husband bought a 2011 Toyota Sienna based on friends’ recommendations and the minivan’s overall four-star safety rating to protect their four children.
But tucked into the details of the government’s crash test results was another rating that Milito said she never saw, which now has her wondering about her own safety. The front passenger seat on Milito’s Sienna received two out of five stars on the frontal crash test, a fall from the top five-star rating for that seat on the Sienna’s 2010 and older models.
The key difference: Starting with 2011 models, the federal government replaced an average-size male dummy with a smaller female dummy for some tests. When the 2011 Sienna was slammed into a barrier at 35 mph, the female dummy in the front passenger seat registered a 20 to 40 percent risk of being killed or seriously injured, according to the test data. The average for that class of vehicle is 15 percent.
“When we’re out and about as a family, I’m the one sitting in that seat,” said Milito, of Alexandria, after learning of the test results.
And she doesn’t know how the female dummy would fare behind the wheel, where she spends most of her car time commuting and ferrying kids. The star-rating system’s frontal crash test uses only the male dummy in the driver’s seat.
Read More.

mylaundrystinks:

“Female dummy makes her mark on male-dominated crash tests”

From the Washington Post:

Beth Milito and her husband bought a 2011 Toyota Sienna based on friends’ recommendations and the minivan’s overall four-star safety rating to protect their four children.

But tucked into the details of the government’s crash test results was another rating that Milito said she never saw, which now has her wondering about her own safety. The front passenger seat on Milito’s Sienna received two out of five stars on the frontal crash test, a fall from the top five-star rating for that seat on the Sienna’s 2010 and older models.

The key difference: Starting with 2011 models, the federal government replaced an average-size male dummy with a smaller female dummy for some tests. When the 2011 Sienna was slammed into a barrier at 35 mph, the female dummy in the front passenger seat registered a 20 to 40 percent risk of being killed or seriously injured, according to the test data. The average for that class of vehicle is 15 percent.

“When we’re out and about as a family, I’m the one sitting in that seat,” said Milito, of Alexandria, after learning of the test results.

And she doesn’t know how the female dummy would fare behind the wheel, where she spends most of her car time commuting and ferrying kids. The star-rating system’s frontal crash test uses only the male dummy in the driver’s seat.

Read More.

(Source: nobodybetterhavethisoneoriswear, via fandomsandfeminism)

Stevie Nicks surrounds herself with girls. Wherever she goes, she brings girls. “I can’t imagine you in a bathing suit,” someone says in an interview for Rolling Stone, when Stevie says she likes to play in the pool in her backyard. “Yeah, well, you never will,” Stevie says. “And there is never — ever — a man in the backyard. If there is, he is banished to the front of the house.” Men don’t get to look at Stevie Nicks unless Stevie Nicks wants men to look at Stevie Nicks.

Stevie Nicks is a queen, a witch, a dragon; she’s in control. Stevie Nicks is there for us. (via tastymoonpie)

“When you grow up as a girl, the world tells you the things that you are supposed to be: emotional, loving, beautiful, wanted. And then when you are those things, the world tells you they are inferior: illogical, weak, vain, empty. The world teaches you that the way you exist in it is disgusting — you watch boys cringe backward in your dorm room when you talk about your period, blue water pretending to be blood in a maxi pad commercial. It is little things, and it is constant. In a food court in a mall, after you go to the gynecologist for the first time, you and your friend talk about how much it hurts, and over her shoulder you watch two boys your age turn to look at you and wrinkle their noses: the reality of your life is impolite to talk about. The world says that you don’t have a right to the space you occupy, any place with men in it is not yours, you and your body exist only as far as what men want to do with it. At fifteen, you find fifteen-year-old boys you have never met somehow believe you should bend your body to their will. At almost thirty, you find fifteen-year-old boys you have never met still somehow believe you should bend your body to their will. They are children. They are children.

(via themonicabird)

(Source: oliviavonhexe, via pryxis)